Confusion of the Soul (Tattoo, Lyrics One-Shot)

[Inuzuka Delliah]

This is another lyrics one-shot, and this time I decided to make it something about my life. It's "Tattoo" by Jordin Sparks. I wouldn't have never been able to write this without Blue-kun, so thanks! So it's dedicated to him and to anyone else who's felt the way I have about someone you love. Alot of this has happened, but only a little bit didn't happen like when my bf actually comes into it, it's only to emphasize this one-shot. So please don't judge me on it. Feel free to comment.

Oh, oh, oh

Her blue eyes gazed through the window as the snow came falling against the window pane. Her thoughts drifted to the boy she loved dearly. Her eyes flickered with pain in them, but very slowly some of it drifted a way from her eyes. Why on earth would she think of him at this point? She was with someone else and so was he, at this point even thinking about him was just going to keep her wishing on nothing. Not even shooting stars could grant the wish she really wanted. She wrapped her green blanket around her, shivering a little at the sight of the pure white snow falling down to the ground.

No matter what you say about love
I keep coming back for more

She took her eyes off the window and looked at the lyrics of a song she had wrote for him for his birthday. She had never given this song to him, but decided to keep it for herself to remind herself of how she felt about him. This girl was a very talented writer who wrote with a deep understanding for emotion. She let the blanket delicately slide off her shoulders as she reached down from her twin-sized bed and grabbed the song from the many papers scattered acrossed her floor.

Keep my hand in the fire
Sooner or later, I'll get what I'm asking for

She couldn't help but put a small smile on her face, recollecting on how she felt about her ex. She remembered what he said to her, she knew that someday there was a chance for them to be together. Her thoughts drifted to her current boyfriend and her heart sank. She loved her ex with such a passionate emotion with every-time she talked to him, and yet her boyfriend was starting to grow on her. The guy she was with wasn't her one and only with what her heart said, it still said her ex. Her brain said otherwise saying to go with her boyfriend Matt. Her heart throbbed in pain again as she clutched her chest and panted. Everything seemed to fall under as she would not cry over her own confusion. She reached for her own pocket knife. Everyone had told her not to, that cutting wouldn't solve a thing. She pressed the blade to her wrist and cut.

No matter what you say about life
I learn every time I bleed

She clenched her teeth as she felt the blood upon her skin. Realizing her mistake; she threw the pocket knife away from her and watched the blood trickle down her arm. She couldn't help but realize as well that this wasn't going to solve the dilemma before her.

That truth is a stranger
Soul is in danger, I gotta let my spirit be free

She stood up and grabbed the lyrics to her song for him. Some blood dropped onto the pages in specs. She shook her head and looked to the window once more. Her eyes turned back to the lyrics as she pressed them close to her heart. A crinkling of the papers could be heard. She let go of them as they slowly fell to the floor...

To admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I have to move on
And leave you behind

She looked to the small stuffed animal named after her ex. She held it softly within her arms not caring if she got blood upon the wolf or not. She knew that letting her ex go was probably the best thing to do. After all, being with Matt made her feel as if she had to be devoted to him and not someone else and yet she felt she betrayed the love of her life by being with Matt.

I can't waste time so give it a moment
I realize, nothing's broken

Everything seemed to fall into place right before her eyes. She placed the wolf upon her bed and searched around her room for some sort of towel to stop the blood flow. She hadn't cut herself to deep, but it still looked pretty bad. Finally finding one, she pressed it against her wrist and held the washcloth there.

No need to worry 'bout everything I've done

She looked toward the window and couldn't help but think to herself.

Live every second like you was my last one

She looked around and found a long sleeve black sweater. Without hesitation she pulled it on over her tank top. She walked down the stairs to see her family watching TV. Her long blonde hair fell delicately over her own shoulders as she muttered," I'm going outside okay?" Receiving no answer she put her shoes out and headed out the front door.

Don't look back at a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection

She headed towards the driveway as the snow fell around her. A cold gust of wind blew by blowing her hair wildly behind her. She shivered a little and looked up staring up at the sky. She rubbed her hands together to warm them up and turned her gaze from the sky to her own hands. With a smile, she knew something that she didn't tread to think before.

You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo
(Just like a tattoo, I'll always have you
I'll always have you, I'll always have you)

She moved and went towards her woods. The snow crunched underneath her feet, as she stared at the winter forest. She followed the path, keeping up with her pace. She thought on how she was sick of men, but than again she wasn't the girl to not want a guy to have as hers.

I'm sick of playing all of these games
It's not about taking sides

Her hand brushed against the hard cold bark of a maple tree. The leaves on the tree were gone and most likely under the snow. She walked until she saw her pond near the back, she walked up to it seeing her own reflection. The blood had trickled down onto her right hand, and she looked like a complete mess. Seeing herself like this hurt her, but yet she felt as if she deserved it.

When I looked in the mirror, didn't deliver
It hurt enough to think that I could

She sighed softly, and sat down just staring into the frozen water. Only sometimes there was even water in this pond, but now it was apparent that the water had been there and froze over. She mumbled to herself," Look at me... do I really of all people deserve to have my heart in this much pain? and yet it's not my princes fault.. it's my own and I know it.. for allowing myself to fall for him, and devoting myself to another after we broke up..."

Stop, admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind

She pulled her knees to her chest and softly let the tears flow. She needed to cry this out, and allow herself to find a solution to her problem. All of the sadness and depression she had inside was coming out through her tears, due to her locking it up deep inside of her heart. She knew eventually she'd have to cry it all out, but she wanted to always have a smile on her face for those she cared most about.

Sorry but I gotta be strong
And leave you behind

She wiped her tears after about 10 minutes of this and sniffled a few times. She reached into her pocket for a small cloth used to clean the glasses that she had, in which she left the glasses inside on her dresser. She wiped her hand of the blood and and her remaining tears with it. She had to be strong and not allow herself to become vulnerable. She softly picked herself up and continued walking down the path singing softly to herself as she went.

I can't waste time so give it a moment
I realize, nothing's broken
No need to worry 'bout everything I've done
Live every second like you was my last one
Don't look back at a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection
You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo
(Just like a tattoo, I'll always have you
I'll always have you, I'll always have you)

[/i]

She watched as the air showed off her breath every time she breathed. She shivered a little, and looked about this winter wonderland.

If I live every moment
Won't change any moment

[/i]

She kept thinking back on how she met that beautiful boy. A smile came to her face, and even if she was with Matt she would never regret anything that she said to her prince. She loved him for everything he had done for her, and much more. The pain was still there throbbing in her heart but she ignored it this time allowing herself to walk on through this cold weather.

Still a part of me and you
I will never regret you

[/i]

She almost slipped on a hill until a hand grabbed her and pulled her back up. She looked to be staring into chocolate brown eyes. The eyes of her current boyfriend. He softly chuckled and said softly," Your mom told me you'd be back here. Figured that you'd be out in the deep part of these woods." Her eyes lit up seeing him as a smile formed on her lips.

"Of course, I'm always a daredevil aren't I? The kind of girl to look for adventure!" She giggled and pulled her sleeve down to make sure he wouldn't see the scars from her cutting. Her thoughts drifted to exactly why she was out there. It was almost as if she knew that whatever she did, her ex would always be apart of everything she ever did.

Still the memory of you
Marks everything I do

I can't waste time so give it a moment
I realize, nothing's broken
No need to worry 'bout everything I've done
Live every second like you was my last one
Don't look back at a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection
You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo

[/i]

Matt's eyes sparkled when he looked at her. The way he looked at her was like that of lover highly valued. His hands moved to her waist as he chuckled loudly," Your thinking about the past aren't you? You always get that cute face, when you do.."

"Maybe, I am.. Maybe I'm not..." He gave her stern look and she sighed," Okay fine I was.. and I've just been thinking maybe me and Adam are better to be just friends in my mind..." Matt's smile broadened as he pulled his girl close to him. She sighed softly putting her head on his shoulder.

I can't waste time so give it a moment
I realize, nothing's broken
No need to worry 'bout everything I've done
Live every second like you was my last one
Don't look back at a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection
You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo

[/i]

"Well, that's wonderful dear... I'm glad you've finally realized that hanging on never does anyone good..... I love you so much,Kala...." Matt said picking her head up staring into her blue eyes. He thought that everything about her was beautiful. Her eyes are what made him fall for her at first, and soon her personality sparked his interest. She may have had her moments with mood swings, and that of her recollecting memories of her ex, but everything about her he valued. Even someday in his mind he was going to ask this girl to marry him, even if this was to make her ex angry at him. Adam's opinion mattered not to him but he had to remember it mattered alot to his girlfriend.

Kala's eyes flickered passionately," Oh... Matty-kun.. I love you too..." With hearing this he pressed his lips gently against hers. Their eyes closed, as they two embraced this. Kala's thoughts drifted as if she almost thought he could hear her thoughts, I know that I still love you.. but now being with Matt has made me realize this...

Just like a tattoo
I'll always have you

[/i]

[Lord Blue Dragonal]

Wow, that is amazing. This is great one shot I read. I'm glad that you're with Matt as long as he care about you.

[Broken Team]

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